All week my time and energy is spent caring for other people. As a mother to three homeschooled children, there is literally no end to the demands called upon me to pay attention to. As much as he’s trying not to, my father’s failing physical health demands more and more from me physically as I try to pick up the slack. Then there are the various tasks and demands of running a household like paying bills and keeping things tidy and orderly. And finally, the person who demands the least from me, but is still a benefactor of my hard work and generosity, there’s my roommate and best friend who moved in during a difficult time of his life and then grounded me during a difficult time of mine. I think I do my best, but at the end of the day, I feel sorely unaccomplished and completely underqualified. I feel like I’m drowning in demands and losing control and I can never get caught up or stay abreast of anything!

And then there’s this business, I’m building. And I AM building a business. (In my head I hear my workaholic brother shaming me for not picking something more solid and reliable than the world of metaphysics) But I am completely aware that whatever this is I’m creating is going to look like and act like me and I don’t really know what that is yet! I am on a journey to discover what running a business looks like for me. I’ve been given a lot of advice on running a business at home, and not much of it has been effective for me. I might be able to piece some of it together and fill the gaps with weird shit that I come up with and create something that works for me, but that takes time. And self-growth (remember that)

Somehow, I know I will need to get help which means learning to recognize what help is needed and learn who and how to ask for it.

I believe the answer to my problems begins with simplification. How do I make my life more simple and easy to manage without giving up the basic tenets I value? How do I slow down and reconnect to anything? And when do I find the time to even explore any of this? Somehow, I know I will need to get help which means learning to recognize what help is needed and learn who and how to ask for it. I know that the way forward for me is going to involve facing every hurdle with innovation that will stretch my brain and creativity. And I trust that everything I need to succeed will arrive exactly when it’s supposed to. I trust my angels.

One thing network marketing taught me was that your business grows when you work on personal development and spiritual development. Self-improvement is the force that brings you the tools you need for business growth. I stand here filled with fear and trepidation, sure, but also, determination, hope, and a strong desire to make a difference in not only the lives of others but also my own life! The way I see it, my life NEEDS to change. And it needs to change relatively BIG! After giving myself so completely to my husband for over a decade-and-a-half, and being unseen, unrecognized, and undervalued by a man I was devastatingly loyal to, I know I cannot give to others if I haven’t given to myself first (fucking cliché, I know). But how do I find the space for myself in this life I am currently living? I have to do the unthinkable and make my business a service I provide for myself first.

Entrepreneurship is asking me to be of service to others when I need it to be an avenue where I am of service to myself and through that work, be of service to others.