I don’t know how to explain this but you are really not meant to be in control of your life!  There are a couple things that have brought me to this current conclusion.  I’ve been on this weight loss journey (which has been teaching me so much and dredging up so much personal development needing to be worked on, I’m constantly surprised by what comes up there) that has made me realize how much I need to be more in touch with my body awareness, but what really hit it home for me has been watching my father’s body deteriorate.  It’s led me to a startling conclusion that I’m just gonna sit with and watch life and see if there’s any validity there!

First of all, I’ve been testing the power and control of my mind for quite some time now.  It began with my workouts.  I would notice that my mind would tell me when I was tired and unable to do more reps and I would give up!  So, I decided to not listen to my mind, and keep going.  Rep after rep was completed beyond what my mind said my body was capable of.  It was surprising, because it meant not only that my mind was lying to me, but also meant I hadn’t been listening to my body at all!  I didn’t know how to recognize when it was my body speaking vs my mind!

Everybody has stories, but don’t let those stories choose your life experience.

This awareness began to leak into other areas of my life.  I was asking the important questions of what are the other stories my mind is telling me?  Especially when it comes to self-esteem?  I began to realize how these mind stories make the choices.  They form my experiences and create my life journey!  This was rather shocking since clearly my mind can’t be trusted!  Which, of course, means that I have no idea what I am actually capable of!  Until I start learning to hear my true voice which comes through my body!  I believe my body is what connects me, it’s a conductor and a vehicle that is designed to walk us through this physical experience.  Something drives it, something tells it where to go, but that something is not supposed to be the conscious mind with it’s logic and stories and all that.

The problem is the conscious mind is not aware of anything but itself!  It believes that it’s the only one in here because it’s the only voice it recognizes.  Mine is the only voice I hear when I talk.  But the body communicates through senses.  I’m fairly certain that many of those senses don’t have names beyond just being classified as psychic or something.  So the mind, believing that it’s in charge, makes all the choices and leads the body down dark alleys and side roads based on it’s whim in any given moment.  It belittles the body and shoves unhealthy toxic food into the tank and all sorts of things and the body has no choice but to patch itself up and keep going.  And the ego, uses stories to scare us from changing the way things are, because to the ego, change equals death! The body’s job is to get us to a destination in space and time but along the way, there’s the journey, that’s for us to experience (and by “us” I mean the conscious mind)

If we can remember that it really isn’t about the destination, then we can take the time to experience the journey in the now and the riches of the journey will be plentiful!

Which leads me to watching my dad on what I believe is the last leg of his journey.  I’ve been watching as his body stops responding to his mind and freezes.  I’m seeing the old cells slow down the healing process and loose vibrancy.  All of this affects the experience he is having and the choices he finds he needs to make.  But what is also interesting is how it affects his ego.  He is not who he once thought he was!  This man was a MAN! He was tough and strong and mean virile and able!  He used to have 24” guns!  He grew up watching cowboys in westerns and Klingons on Star Trek and wanted to embody that toughness!  But now, this body of his, is reflecting a tiny little man who has to rely on his daughter for all physical activities.  Many sentences begin with, “I never thought I’d…”  If it was the mind’s choice, none of this would be going down like this.  This idea of the body being in charge really hit home one day when he said,

“It’s not supposed to be acting this way!”

“What?” I asked.

“My body!” he answered.

I sat down as what he said washed over me. His body is leading him down a path his mind is not wanting to go down! His body, is in control! And as if he knew exactly what I was thinking, my father followed up with,

“Makes you realize that your whole life you were never really in control! You just thought you were making choices!”

The weird thing is, it’s the mind that controls so many of the body’s movements through space in time.  When I want a pencil or something it’s my conscious mind that puts the body in motion to grab it!  So, my question is this: Is the body being mind-controlled?  From what I can see, the answer is yes!  Maybe, we need to work together with this body awareness as a team.  Let it lead us through space and time.  while we ride along and live and examine the experience and share what we’ve learned with others (If they are willing to listen)  Our conscious minds may be the ones consciously moving the body through space and time but the body is the one we should trust to lead the way.

Of course, I don’t know if any of this stuff is True.  It’s just my experience right now.  I’ve been following Human Design and being called to surrender ever more deeper into body consciousness and experiencing so many coincidences.  (Celestine Prophecy anyone?)  If you’re reading this, any thoughts on what I’ve shared?  What are your personal experiences?  I’d love to hear about them in the comments below!