Reason follows feeling.

Yogananda

My son is grounded. He’s been grounded for so many weeks that I honestly can’t remember when this all started! The way things are going he will be grounded for many more weeks. I am starting to wonder if maybe i am doing it wrong! Like maybe, I make being grounded so enjoyable that being grounded is preferable!

So here’s what happened, weeks ago now, my son got into a befuddling (for me) disagreement with his sister and me over a library book! He was caught reading a library book that his sister had checked out which in our house is a HUGE no-no! He believed the lirary book to be his and believed it with such tenacity that it caused a HUGE disagreement between them. Of course I was dragged into the middle of all this and my solution was simple: check the library book list and see who had the book on their list! Well, after checking each child’s account it was discovered that my son did not, in fact, have said title in his list of books he checked out, his sister did! But that was not proof enough for him! Even after matching barcode numbers he still was not convinced!

You’re a liar!

These are the words that sealed his fate. He looked me dead in the eye and said it with such force I was shocked! I would have NEVER talked to my parents like that! Ego maybe jumped in a little bit here. Why should my son disrespect me like that, to my face, and not suffer the consequences?

The terms of his punishment are simple: He must complete a long list of chores inside a weeks time, and he must be loving and respectful. I chose the first term because it means he is being of service to the family. He is learning to take responsibility for his space and for his actions. The second term is because so often he is rude and disrespectful and believes he is justifiably so. But here it is several weeks later, and he has still not successfully finished the terms of his punishment and it’s feeling ridiculous!

The thing is, this sort of defiance is not new. My son is constantly changing reality to fit his mood and desires. He often refuses to do his punishments waiting until I leave the room and just abandoning his task! If he does do them he does them so poorly it’s unacceptable by any standard. Often he lies and says he did them when he actually didn’t and gets mad I don’t believe him! Honestly, he’s got SO many tricks he tries to pull in an effort to not do the punishment, it would be easier if he just did the thing and move on!

How can I help him learn the benefits of taking responsbility for your actions, and make better choices?

I could just sit and be with him while he completes the task and make sure he does it properly but that would mean neglecting all the other million things I have to do around the house, as well as whatever daily crisis comes up! And right now, there is only one of me. Hubby is home occaisionally but he is also quite busy when he is here but that could be an option I could explore. The question still remains, will it serve him? Will he improve and grow and become a better person?

I honestly don’t know how to help this small human. He deflects responsibility for his actions but will quickly take credit for positive things he did not do! This does not look good here! Especially not when my goal here is to raise a highly enlightened and beautifully conscious male that I would like to see more of in the world! But I can not get him to see the benefits of being a basic decent human being! He wants to be the master of our world but he can not even master his own world.

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Until next time…